Top Approximately Ten Reasons GW Doesn't Read The Newspaper:
#1. No news is good news!
#2. GW laughs so hard he pisses his pants every time he reads Marmaduke.
#3. When was the last time you saw a photo of Bush reading a book that wasn't written for the average first or second grader?...
...most newspapers require the reading comprehension that comes with a fifth
grade education.
#5. Cheney taught Bush's dog Barney to bury the paper before GW could walk down the driveway in his bathrobe and slippers with coffee cup in hand, to fetch his own paper.
#6. When he did have a desire to read the paper, Bush only read the sports section...
...but lost all interest in that once he was no longer able to 'put the fix in' on the Texas Rangers.
#7. Bush gets all of his news from the one source he really trusts...
...Rush 'OxyContin Boy' Limbaugh
#8. Bush can read, but not without great effort...
...he has to take a nap after reading the heating instructions on a box of 'Hot Pockets.'
#9. The 'Daily Horoscope' is so darned accurate it gives George the Heebie-Jeebies!
#10. Bush watched an episode of 'Early Edition' after taking a couple aspirin he found in his daughter's
purse, which, much to his chagrin, turned out to be hits of acid...
...now he has a serious aversion to newspapers and "Yeller Cats."
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