Top Approximately 10 Things That Would Have to Happen for Bush To Blow The Election:

#1. Jesus Christ descending from heaven on a silver cloud covered in 'Kerry for President' bumper stickers.

#2. Have the US Presidential elections held in The Congo or Namibia, where the general voting public is a bit more informed, and the systems are less corrupt than here.

#3. Documents and photographic proof materialize showing that when Bush was MIA from the Air National Guard, he was actually flying sorties for the North Vietnamese.

#4. Chapter 5 of Clinton's new book is full of transcribed Oval Office conversations picked up by the 'bugs' Gore spackled into the ceilings and walls, after that very partisan Supreme Court decision handed Bush the election.

#5. Through some act of God, the bugs and security holes in touch screen voting systems are patched, and accurate printed tallies are generated, should a recount be necessary.

#6. If Bush were to actually fire anyone over the cluster fucks preceding '9-11' and the "war" in Iraq.  They'd spill the beans in a minute, regarding what Bush actually knew and when he knew it. Thank God they don't make 'em like Ollie North anymore, that misguided schmuck....

#7. That big fat check to Ralph Nader bounces.

#8. Kerry offers Rush Limbaugh and Noelle Bush presidential pardons and a steady supply of OxyContin straight from Canada, 'when and if' he's elected...